My reflections on life and society brought me to the simplest conclusion; that if we love, love will be returned to us. If we anger, passive anger and direct aggression follow. If one thing happens, an equal reaction meets it's force. Like a see-saw, one side goes up and the other down then the same occurs for the opposite end; it goes up while the other side goes down. Energy up in aggression, passive aggression and submission result.
I jumped back into society with a big smile and positive outlook. I was not ready, I was too eager to see my practice put into action. With little surprise, I was amazed at how my talent grew in such short time. My anxiety has weakened to the point of control. If I feel myself becoming nervous or anxious, I quickly realize and stop without trouble, where as before I was not able to relax.
Depression still remains, as does the anxiety. Now, though, it is manageable. I can finally say I won the most difficult battle I have ever faced, which was with myself. The continuing epic struggle to just "break free" from despair. There is no magic cure, and so pursuit of dreams ensues.
And so, with new found abilities I returned to my friends to find out who they are, and who I am with them. I discovered how little they really know about themselves though their humor and pride cover up the inability to really focus on true identity. I love the majority of them for their honesty, loyalty and positive regard for others. Also their level of open mindedness is their greatest attribute. I found how I am a skilled communicator, that I am humorous, gentle, persuasive and open minded. I learned how I am the last person to take most things seriously, though I am known for taking many things very seriously. I am generous and peaceful.
For 2 weeks I have trialed and error'd with my friends of many years these new skills I have. Which has given me great teachings, and I am happy to say I have learned what I need to for the most part, from my friends. I will always cherish, respect and remain honest, loyal and trusting with them. No matter who, or where they are. It doesn't matter.
I also learned that my abilities can be increased so much more, that I have not even reached the tip of the iceberg yet. This was just a test to see what I am capable of. So I wish to return to serene solitude, and maybe I'll end up in the right place, at the right time, specific to my progression into this wide, mad world.
